Wow. Before I even begin, let me tell you that infertility is a full time job. Now, let me back up a bit. My husband and I got married in 2017, both at the age of 26, and one year in, we were ready to start building our family. But here’s the thing no one seems to tell you, getting pregnant is not a guarantee. In fact, 1 in 8 couples deal with infertility, but finding ourselves part of that club was the rudest awakening of our lives.

One thing you should know about me is that I am severely phobic of needles. I repeat, SEVERELY phobic. The kind of phobic that makes you avoid the doctor for your entire life, or until you finally come to terms with the fact that you will never have a family unless you face your biggest fear. It took us almost two years to make an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist because of my phobia, during which time I had recurring nightmares about blood tests, constant panic attacks, and more than one breakdown. To say I was petrified would be an understatement. But with great hesitation, I finally reached out to a friend for her doctor’s information and made the call. 

I read every article and watched every YouTube video I could find on “What happens at your first infertility appointment,” but because I always wanted more, I figured the least I could do is document my experience. Due to Covid-19, the process panned out differently for us, but this was the rundown. 

Consultation:
When I called to schedule our appointment, the coordinator told me that because of the pandemic, couples were not allowed to come to the office together. Either my husband and I could have a virtual meeting with the doctor from home or one of us could meet with him in person. We opted for the first option, which ended up being a thirty five minute conversation via Zoom the following week. My husband and I each filled out about ten pages of paperwork prior to the meeting, which our doctor referenced as he reviewed our history and asked us for additional information. My husband and I then asked our own questions, about two pages worth, and our doctor answered each honestly until we were completely out. I’ll be sure to create another blog post of “questions to ask.”

The meeting ended with our doctor ordering the tests he felt necessary, based on the information we gave him, and a nurse called me about five minutes later to discuss a follow-up in-office visit. I’ve read that it sometimes takes months to get an appointment, especially when you’re dealing with someone so prominent in his field, but with all the uncertainty around the pandemic, we had no issues there. The nurse went over prenatal vitamins with me and then told me to call as soon as I got my period since the testing had to be done on day 2 or 3 of my cycle. My husband then called the main line to schedule his semen analysis. 

Unfortunately, our insurance doesn’t cover infertility treatments, like most plans, which means we’ve been paying everything out of pocket. Ten months in, we’ve already passed $30,000 in bills. Be warned.

First Appointment:
The next two weeks were painful as I waited for my cycle to start, knowing that a blood test was coming, along with who knows what else, but I made the call when the time came, and arranged to come in the following day. Because I wasn’t interested in doing any unnecessary blood draws, I requested they do both my hormone and genetic testing at the same time (8 vials of blood!). My husband did the genetic testing as well and those results took about three weeks to come back. Just so you have a general understanding of the timelines, the semen analysis results took 4-5 days and for the hormone tests, I received some results within the hour and others a little over a week later. The only reason the hormone results didn’t come back all at once is that I requested they do whatever testing they could through a lab covered by my insurance. 

After the blood draw, the doctor came in to do an internal ultrasound to check my ovaries and look for any abnormalities. It was very uncomfortable, but thankfully, everything looked good and the appointment was over. 

How To Prepare: 

• Reach out to your parents to get a full family history. The more information you give your doctor, the better he can do his job.

• Write down ALL your questions. You will most likely forget what you want to ask once the meeting starts. 

• Research your doctor’s success rates and general approach so you can voice any concerns when you meet him. For example, our doctor will only transfer one embryo at a time during IVF (translation: zero chance for twins). That could be a dealbreaker for some. 

• Recognize that this journey usually takes longer than you think, so be realistic with your expectations. 

• Find out if your insurance plan has an infertility benefit or if you can get one through your employer. Unfortunately; most insurance carriers classify infertility treatment as purely elective so won’t give you a dime, but it’s worth looking into. 

• Find yourself a TTC (trying to conceive) buddy if you can. I am fortunate enough to have two, one who made it to the other side already and one who is currently going through treatment. I could not have done it without both of their support. 

xx Esther

*These posts do not reflect my current situation as they were written in the moment.
Still waiting on our miracle, but sharing now to help others feel less alone.
For more recent updates, follow me on Instagram: @esthersanter