I’ve pushed off writing this post for almost three months because it doesn't feel real. Every day after receiving our positive, I just waited for the other shoe to drop, for my doctor to call with horrible news or to see blood when there shouldn’t be any. All we’ve heard for the past year was bad news, so how is it possible that our very first embryo transfer was a success? Even through the extreme exhaustion, morning sickness, aversions to almost all food groups, weekly blood draws, and ultrasounds, I still wasn’t convinced. I would literally see our little one on the screen and then go home and track my daily symptoms, asking my husband if he thought each one was a good sign. I’m not sure I’ll ever get to a place of calm, but I guess the first thing I could do to overcome my obvious trauma is to finally let you know…. I’m pregnant! It’s real. We’re ecstatic. And we cannot wait to meet our little Thanksgiving baby!

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If you read my previous blog post, my symptoms over the two week wait were few and far between, so I did not have particularly high hopes that our transfer worked. You should know something though…when doing IVF, the wait isn’t actually two weeks. Every clinic is different, but ours tests 9 days past transfer. It was the hardest secret to keep from my husband, especially as he dropped me off for “The Blood Test,” but I had to keep him in the dark if I wanted the opportunity to surprise him with a positive. 

Those 9 days were excruciating and I made the very difficult decision not to test early. I told myself every morning that I could change my mind, but I knew the chances of getting a negative simply because it was so early were pretty high and I didn’t want to put myself through that. So I stuck it out, went in for my scheduled blood draw, and stayed glued to my phone from the moment I walked out the door. 

About 30 minutes after I got home, my clinic called. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was shocked how fast they ran my labs. I answered immediately, but almost cried when the woman on the other end responded with zero emotion in her voice. I knew that could only mean one thing. But then she started telling me I could come up now. I was panicking at this point, afraid I needed a second test or was supposed to wait at my clinic for the result. Thoroughly confused, the woman continued by telling me the sample was ready and that I should come up to the office now for my IUI. Clearly she got me mixed up with another patient. I’m assuming she was the new receptionist I saw being trained that morning, but my Gd, my poor heart. Anyway...

At 10:38am, I got THE call. I wish I could remember anything my nurse said, but my mind was all over the place until she said the words, “It looks like you’re pregnant.” She said it very cautiously, emphasized that it was still very early, and then scheduled me for follow up bloodwork two days from then. Stay tuned to hear how I gave my husband the news. :)

So much has happened since that day, but there’s one backstory I can’t ignore. Shortly after we got the happiest news of our lives, we found out that my grandfather had checked into the hospital. As his condition worsened, my husband and I both had this awful feeling that we would lose him around the time our baby got a heartbeat, and that’s exactly what happened. 

Needless to say, this journey has been an emotional whirlwind and it’s really just the beginning. Can’t wait to bring you along on this next chapter!

xx Esther